Speechless...................

Dear, don't know since when, we both are speechless............................... we can't talk to each other anymore, once we start a conversation, we sure get involved with fights and quarrels at the end. What's wrong actually ? I really want to find out why. I really eagerly wanted to know what has go wrong with both of us.

Everytime, when I am in the office, I missed you so much and have a lot of things wanted to talk to you, but when I am homed, I see you with your long unhappy face, I have nothing to say already. Or else, after I made one statement, like my whole body was so pain, then you replied with " It's okay, go and take bath, it will go well. ". For these kind of answers, I really felt so scared and worried that how shall I formed my sentence and talked to you.

Like just now, you called me and I was so happy to answer your call and we talk happily at the beginning, but suddenly, the chemical becomes wrong suddenly and the ' war smell ' getting serious and serious, and again, we ended up with an unhappy ending of conversation again. I don't hope to have such feeling towards you, dear ! How I missed our previous time, those happy time where we can really talk anything that we like, without any hassle, without any quarrel. I really missed that !

Like Wednesday night, I eagerly waiting you to be homed and would like you to take me to pasar malam to buy fruits, we were so happy all the while until you saw the old newspapers that I took out, your face started getting black and long face, and the ' jek, jek, jek ' sound comes out already. I really HATE the ' jek, jek, jek ' sounds. Why you want to do that to me ? What's so worng with me to take those old newspapers to throw ? The old newspapers have been disturbing me from my cooking and even for me to place something on top of it, because it's too many and too high, I can't even place those woks that I washed for drying purpose. What's so wrong with it for taking it down to throw before we go for dinner ? It's really distracting. I don't know, because of this very small thing, just that 1 second, our whole night screwed up !!!! I ate my dinner with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. I can't slept for two continous nights already. The first night, you slept in the living hall, when I asked you to come in to the room to sleep, you " jek, jek, jek " again, I really hate that ! And the worst thing, after you ' jek, jek, jek ', you went out from the room and slept in the couch. I slept alone in the bed with tears that night .................. At 3.50am, I woke up and heard the TV sounds in the living room is so loud and you were not beside me, I knew you must have the TV to accompany you to sleep. I went out, looked at you, you slept well at the couch, I think twice and stunned for a while, if I shall call you to go into the room to sleep, I told myself, better don't coz just now experienced once already, kena scold and get the very heart pained feeling. So, I was so sad and don't like to see you sleeping alone in the living hall, I switched off the TV, lights off and go back to the bedroom to sleep. Tried my very best to sleep again, but can't, until you walked into the room at about 6am.

Second night, Wednesday night, was real sad, even for such a beautiful place for romantic dinner, I ate the dinner so hard and difficult, and can't sleep. Woke up again at 3.30am till morning. Was really thinking on what was happening between us. I was so curious and so upset, I love you so much, I love you more than before I married you, I asked myself, I tried my very best to perform the wife's duty, I tried my best to be a good wife, but then how come our relationship is getting worst and worst ????? A lot of questions in my mind ................ why, why and why ?????

You started come home late, it's ok, I waited you. You started become speechless................... we eat breakfast together on the same table by sitting next to each other so close, but yet our feeling was so far away. No one talking, it's a speechless morning & breakfast. You started have no topics to talk to me, you stared to stare at my at a very weird face expression, you started to keep quiet and don't know what to talk to me. Why, dear ? Can't we open up and discuss it. By hiding it, the balls will row bigger and bigger, I started feeling insecure about our relationship already, I started become so worried and so anxiety about our relationship. We got to do something about it before it is too late, dear ! Come on, we have been married only for 2 months .................................... That morning, I went office with two big panda bengkak eyes after long time crying .........................

I know, it's not only me suffering from the situation, you too, I can see from your face that you are not happy too, you are very unhappy, you too feeling not comfortable with me. Come on, let's work this out hand in hand, we still have a long journey to walk through together, we still have many many years to live together, please, dear, let's do something about it, do let me know what can we both do to enhance the situation and make both us back to those days us - the happy us !!!

For my side, from my very limited knowledge and experience, I really have no idea on how to handle this situation. The only thing that I have done for us is to pay and registered for a workshop for both us to attend, the one that I have mentioned to you earlier, the Thean Hou Temple call that you received this morning. I know completely that you hate this kind of workshop or talk, to you, it's a waste of time coz you know all the theory part. But then, dear, give me suggestion, do share with me what can we do to improve our relationship. I can only think of if we can't solve our problem, we listen to others and see how they solved theiw problems and we learn from there. What say you ?

Please, I beg you, please do not give up, please do not become speechless, please do not not to talk to me, please don't leave me sleep alone in the room, the feeling is too terrible, like get dump by someone, no one want me anymore, so pittyful and lost feeling. Really................... dear, give me a signal that you have read this and do agreed to work this out hand in hand for both benefits, ok ??????

Hope to hear from you by telling me that " Yes, lao poh, let's find out together how can we solve the problem, let's work hand in hand tightly to overcome this challenge. " I wait for you ........................

Not sure if you noticed, it has been two nights and three mornings that I didn't say " Good night, lao kong " and " Good Morning, Lao Poh " to each other already......................... I hope we can both sleep with a happy heart tonight............................


Endless Love For You from Your Lao Poh